--photo by zemliski!, flickr.com
Something occurred to me the other day, and it felt like an elephant had fallen onto my chest.
But first, a short story. A female friend asked if Annabelle would enter kindergarten in the fall. When I said yes, she grabbed my elbow, her eyes got really wide, and she said, "Are you going to be OK?". There was such care and concern in her voice, that I did not tell her I was overjoyed and felt like skipping at that very moment. I have learned that when women ask questions like this, and they have walked that road before me, I HAD BETTER LISTEN.
A few days later, the revelation occurred. YES, I am happy that after almost 13 years of stay-at-home-parenting, I'll be home without children. Home to finally catch up. Home to quiet and books and movies and projects. BUT, the revelation is that there will be moments of sorrow...because...it is over. My big chance is over. My big opportunity to do my best, instill values, show them how much I love them, teach them history, build their confidence, show them love, read books to them, hug them, encourage them, kiss them...
Did I do enough? Did I do my best? Was I patient enough?
Oh my goodness. This is why moms cry on the first day of school. All that effort, but was it enough? It feels like an elephant on my chest. But then again, maybe it's just pms and I need a little chocolate. Hugs to you on this Monday. I am off to see who Annabelle's teacher is, which has been posted at the school.
6 comments:
awww, my dear Kate... this was so me this time last year. I love your blog because of amazing posts like this one.
I'm at Darla's house as I read this and she feels what your are saying too : )
So I'm not crazy? Oh, thanks you two. Sometimes I re-read what I have written and think perhaps I need a little therapy. :) hugs.
You said perfectly what I feel about my life as a stay at home mom!!
And yes I am sure you did enough, more than enough and you gave them all an advantage other kids will never have! And of course it far from over, you'll keep trying to do it all as long as they let you.
I'll be thinking about you when you send your baby to kindergarten!
Thank you, Selina. I am here for you too...enjoy that alone time with Vance. I know you will.
My blog was a form of therapy for me! (Check some of my blog posts from this time last year in my blog archives.) And I then turned those kindergarten blog posts into layouts for Evan's 5 year old album.
Hopefully you will indulge your creative side now that you will soon have more "you" time.
XOXO
Oh this reminds me of days at LES.
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