Another heartbroken family.

This is a long post, but I'm quite angry that China did it again, so I'm posting the whole thing. This is similar to what we experienced. I grieved for a long time. Now this poor family has to go through that pain, all because China LIED. Read it if you have time or if you know someone who is adopting internationally. They really need to be prepared to say, "No thank you."



"Hi Everyone!

We have not posted or been to active in awhile as we were preoccupied with all
the details of going to China again.

We got in Friday night about 10. Things didn't go well.

We had to make the hardest decision we have ever had to make and we did not
adopt Siwen. We are heartbroken.

We went in to this fully expecting to adopt a 5 year old child that was
developmentally delayed. We knew immediately there was much more wrong. We were
told she could say 5-6 word sentences, dress/undress herself, put her own shoes
on/off, walk up and down steps independently, and needed to be reminded to go to
the bathroom.

She did not respond to her name. She did not make eye contact with us or anyone
in the room. There is no way she talked at all as she could not even say a
simple " Ni Hao". She didn't realize we were even there. She kept staring off in
the distance. There is no way she dressed herself as she couldn't hardly pick up
a smartie. Her legs gave out on her while she was standing and she had on two
diapers.

She would need 24 hour care. We do not have the resources to provide for her
that way. We had already made arrangements for speech therapy. Pretty far off.
The medical and updates we received on her did match at all the reality. There
is no way this little girl could have traveled. Special arrangements would have
had to be made.

I can't tell you how badly my family is hurting. Poor Hayley keeps talking about
here sister Shelby and that she was too sick to come home with us. She was so
excited telling everyone she was going to be a twin. She cried herself to sleep
a few nights. We just held her and tried to help her understand the best a 5
year old can.

The first day, the Civil Affairs office in Shenyang agreed with us that Siwen
wasn't responsive and her speech was non existence. The next day when we
requested a second referral they would not make a recommendation to the CCAA
because they feel we went special needs and should have been prepared. The whole
week we were tied to our room 22 hours a day waiting for calls and doing
everything they asked so we could talk them in to making the recommendation. At
one point we thought CCAA was going to overrule the Civil Affairs. Then we were
asked to pay for a medical and if it supported us, they would give us a second
referral. If not, they would not. The medical supported us and indicated an IQ
of only 37. She was severely mentally retarded. Still no referral came. Our
guide told us she thought the CCAA was punishing us because Great Wall had
another disrupted adoption the week before. Great Wall said to proceed to
Guangzhou and they would keep working with CCAA and hopefully get us a referral
from there so it keep on track for our Consulate appt. Each day came and went.
No referral.

We had to be at the White Swan with all the families with their new daughters
and sons and watch them do the appointments, the pictures, etc. That was hard.

We were told there are 5 top CCAA Officials. Two supported us. Two were
supporting the Shenyang Civil Affairs. The the last would not go against either
side. On our last night we got a phone call that advised us CCAA woud not be
giving us a second referral. The final reason....CCAA did not want to go against
the Civil Affairs office. Per Great Wall, for that particular Civils Affairs
office to make a positive recommendation would have been admitting they had done
the medical wrong.

It was two weeks of torture. We find ourselves going through times of deep
crying and then being really angry. We feel like there has been a death in our
family. We will pick up the pieces and go on but I think our mission will be
educate waiting families so no one else has to go through what we did.

If a family doesn't get every question they have about a child answered....
don't accept the referral. If the Province is one of the newer participants or
only does a few a year, don't accept the referral. The newer or infrequent
Provinces don't understand the impact of inaccurate medicals. Demand last minute
medicals. They only cost about $100 USD. Snow Wu, President of Great Wall even
said to me on the phone that many times the medicals are off. What does that say
about the program?

We noticed huge changes. No more babies. The youngest we met was 14 months. Most
were 18-24 months. Even NSN children had issues that were not disclosed. Our
guide told us there have been changes and they observe the babies longer now to
identify any special needs. It's truly like the direction of the program is
going special needs only. Where are all the babies? All being adopted by Chinese
families.... .really?!

Oh, and the family that had a disrupted adoption the week before us......they
got a second referral. Their reason...... the child didn't want to be adopted.

Please feel free to share our story with anyone and everyone you know. This
isn't because of any bitterness; honestly. Its because we don't want anyone else
to have to go through the pain we are right now.

We could use prayers right now. I know we will heal but its going to take alot."