This is important to me. I know you will get it.
Last night, the sand pile looked innocent enough. Two little blonde girls were playing there...oh oh....that was the red flag I did not notice....two little blonde girls. Annabelle joined them while I visited with a mom and watched soccer practice.
On the way home, Annabelle said, "Mom, that girl was mean". Then she told me of their conversation:
Mean girl: Do you speak Spanish?
Annabelle: No.
Mean girl: (screaming) YOU ARE LYING!
Annabelle: (silence)
Mean girl: BIG BABY!
Annabelle does not exaggerate. When she tells stories, she is detailed and accurate. (The boys hate it because she can tell details of their actions or conversations! LOL) She is a bit shy and would never start a fight, except with her brothers.
I lost sleep over this last night. I was so angry. Here is the fallout from this kind of experience: for the next several days, she will be clingy and hug me often, and will tell me several times an hour how much she loves me. It seems that she needs reassurance that she is lovable, that she is ok and not a big, lying baby.
I am beginning to understand why people of color cry racism when there is none present. It is because they have experienced it ALL their lives, from a tender young age, even in the sand pile. They have been so hurt and angered...that every slight seems like racism to them. I used to NOT get this at all. My, my, doesn't life have its way of teaching us valuable lessons?
5 comments:
this brought tears to me eyes... my heart aches for Annabelle.
I hope her experiences, as hurtful as they are now, will eventually bring her a type of compassion and an insight that most others will never have an opportunity to possess. Maybe then it will seem more of a special gift even if right now it just plain sucks!!
Makes me think of those signs and bumper stickers that say 'mean people suck!' ; )
I am so sorry Kathy. I hope this won't happen again, but I'll pray we'll have the wisdom to make a difference when it does. I haven't experienced this yet with Hanna, but sadly our turn is coming I'm sure. Give her a big hug and remember how lucky you/she is that she/you have each other to comfort in times of need.
I know it is everywhere, but we have not experienced this in other parts of the country. I hope it won't happen to your family, Jennifer. Thanks for your kind words.
Danica- I know you've been there/done that. I appreciate your wisdom and turning this into a positive! I know you are right. :)
Omygoodness, how hurtful!! I am AMAZED at what Annabelle has experienced at the hands of these little girls. I am sure you will handle it well . . . but those moments are heartbreaking. I think this type of behavior depends on where you live . . . sadly I think the south is still promoting ignorance. Elly's first friend in public school (they met in kindergarten) is named Hanako and she is from Japan. We have many Asian and Hispanic students here and I honestly don't think the students (or anyone else) think about it and if they did or made a comment, it would be socially unacceptable! I remember in 1st grade they were studying MLK Day and Elly was talking about African Americans, when I told her Oprah was an African American, she said, "She is?" She had never noticed. Obviously these little girls are being raised with prejudice. We never discuss race and our girls don't even think about the color of someone's skin or hair, etc. After hearing your story it is easier to understand how one would be affected by hearing comments like that throughout their life. So glad you are her Mama!!
Thank you, Susan. I am glad I am her mama, too. Handling this is all so new to me, so it feels good to vent and get feedback. I am comforted to know that your community is different than this!
One of my boys said MLK was not mentioned at his school on that important day!
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