That Little Girl

While working on the psych units, I was bound by confidentiality laws. I hold some secrets to this day...after many years.

I am not bound by those when I sub, so I will share about a special little girl.

Yesterday, while subbing in a classroom for special needs, she won my heart. She is the most beautiful little child with a big afro. Her face is perfection. She must be about 5, but she speaks like a 3-year-old, and seems to have the anger of an adult, at times.

I was with her for about an hour yesterday.

When I saw her today, I was subbing in the library. I sat in a rocking chair, while her class sat on a rug, watching a video.

I longed to put that little one in my lap and rock her, because any mama's instincts would say, yes, she needs to be rocked. I wonder if she has EVER been rocked?

Perhaps she felt my heart tugging at her. She got up and came over to me. She placed her little head on my shoulder. Someone had taken the time last night to put her afro into many braids. I would like to think that someone CARED enough to put it in braids, but I won't make that assumption. Some one may have just had enough hair pride to braid it, you know?

But anyway, she wreaked of smoke. I let her keep her head there for a few minutes, but was painfully aware of her behavioral problems, and the need to send the message that she must follow the rules.

She sat down beside my chair, and I patted her back. Patted and patted til my hand got tired, patted like she was a newborn who needed burping. She sat very still. When I tried to stop and moved away a bit, she moved her back for my patting.

As I just told Clay, these are the ones that pull my heart out and wring it. As a sub, I don't have power or influence. My goal is to fill each little vessel with love, ounce by ounce, and pray that they/she will never forget what love feels like.