I had a big AHA moment when reading a friend's blog yesterday. (I think I heard Oprah use the term AHA moment, as when the light bulb goes on and we see something clearly for the first time.)
My dear friend Susan loves etiquette/good manners and I consider her to be an expert on the subject. This is what she wrote that got my brain going into overload:
The true purpose of good manners is to make others comfortable.
You know, there are different cultures in different pockets of our country. In some, I have been very comfortable. In one, I have been uncomfortable and could not quite pinpoint what the issue is.
Now I believe, in part, my discomfort has come from a lack of etiquette in the specific culture. Not all people there have poor manners, but socially it is acceptable to laugh at, make fun of, try to one-up one another, back stab...etc. Of course these poor manners can be found in individuals everywhere, but to see it acceptable in the culture is disappointing. To see parents act this way is doubly disappointing.
I am going to read some etiquette books. Thanks, Susan, for the inspiration. Love you, sista.
3 comments:
great thought-inducing post, Kate! And I relate to what your are saying about being comfortable/uncomfortable in different situations. I actually have an old copy of Etiquette (recent purchase at a used book store) and I find it really interesting.
Aww, thanks Kate. I am honored you consider me an expert! Oh my, like I said I am certainly not where I want to be but it does make such a difference to be in the presence of people who are trying to put each other at ease. There is such a huge spectrum of behavior--I know someone well who is very concerned about place settings, elbows, etc. but she completely forgets about the people she's around and even being friendly! She often makes those around her very uncomfortable. Then there are people who don't contribute at all and it's alot of work to have a good time around them. Sad to hear of the put-downs, I always think people who do that are insecure. It's a fascinating topic isn't it? Love ya!
One more thing, I met Peggy Post at a book signing she had at our local stationery store a couple years agao and she was sooo gracious and inclusive of all who attended and put everyone at ease. The epitome of good manners!
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